My Name Is . . . Jonah?

The list of things I should/could be doing instead of writing this post feels quite long right now.

To name just a few:
1. Showering. Having spent the majority of the day cleaning (and I don't mean picking toys up off the floor or washing a few dishes. Oh, I did those things, but I also CLEANED), I feel the grime of the day layered over my skin like that top see-through layer of an onion's skin. Barely there, a little sticky and really gross if you get it in your mouth. JC will be home in a bit and he really shouldn't have to see/touch/smell this version of me. But, let's be honest, it won't be the first time.
2. Watching 'Mulan' with the kids. I am in the office next to the playroom, with the door open to it. We are in full view of each other but somehow I still feel separated from them and can't help but wonder if I am falling into the neglectful mother category as I sit here and type, recovering from my day, while they enjoy a liberating feminist flick to wind down from theirs. Though, if research be believed, watching tv before bed will actually stimulate their brains and impair their night's sleep, rather than aid in bringing it on. But, let's just ignore research for a moment here. They are quite happy.
3. Cleaning more. Though I kicked a very large amount of scum bum today in the areas of the house I attacked there is plenty more that needs attention and, in reality, unless you come to that particular part of my house that got a lot of attention today, the house actually appears to be in pretty bad shape. Disheartening.
4. Posting about something rather than this little bit of not much. I have back posts to get on here about fun things like our new love sac bean bags and the Fourth of July weekend when the kids saw fireworks for the first time and played in the rain for the first time in a long time.
5. Showering. Really.
6. Reading over the lesson JC and I are supposed to give to the 15 yr olds at church on Sunday.
7. Ironing the front room and music room drapes that we put up and then took down for my mom to graciously hem so they wouldn't unwravel since I was cheap and bought one panel per window and cut it in half to act as two panels. :) I need to get those back up. Because I love them. And because they are sitting on the love seat in the playroom being cluttery and in the way.
8. Cease ignoring the fact that I saw a beetle in my washing machine earlier and be doing something about it.
9. Putting dinner away so JC has something to eat later. YIKES! (...I actually got up and did this...)
10. Finishing my grocery list because that seriously has to get done tomorrow.


But, anyway, I just feel like it's been a while since I really sat down and wrote much of anything but captions to pictures and I miss it.
I know I committed this year to basics.
(aka keeping a family record...for me, a blog...gathering preparedness materials, educating myself about them, taking care of my body and my family's health, reconnecting with all that is spiritual in every aspect of my life, learning, growing and accepting...cleaning and organizing my home...building a foundation built on what is most important to us)
And next year to beauty.
(aka not only cleaning and organizing my house but decorating my house, not only taking care of my skin but wearing makeup...not only shaving my legs but polishing my toe nails...not only gathering preparedness materials and food storage but enriching our lives with them, not only keeping a blog but maybe publishing it into book form for a family keepsake, etc.)
And the next year to 'getting my groove back' (aka start performing again, entertaining in our home, get to know my neighbors and the people in my ward better, pursue good books, become a dynamic force on the piano again, conquer the organ - pedals and all, and WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE WRITE.

That feels far away.

So, don't be surprised if, until then, I get on here every once in a while and just ramble.

Like now.

Because, today I laughed at myself when I cried while singing a silly song about a man who got swallowed by a whale.
And I would like to share.


So, every day (most every day) after dinner, we clean up a little (or not at all...but I am trying to make this part of our routine) and then head into the music room. I sit at the piano and the kids take turns choosing songs that they would like me to play and sing as they dance around the room, throw things at the cat, jump off the chair and fight with each other over whatever presents itself. Here's how the song lineup usually ends up looking:

Ben: Sunbeam
James: Sunbeam
Bethany: I am Like a Star
Ben: Sunbeam
James: Sunbeam
Bethany: Book of Mormon Stories (all nine verses, or some insanely high number like that)
Ben: I am a Child of God...NO! Sunbeam!
James: Sunbeam, the new one (the second verse, which I recently introduced)
Bethany: Follow the Prophet (all eight verses)
Ben: Sunbeam
James:Sunbeam
Bethany: Little Purple Panties (this is really a song called "Little Purple Pansies" but she thinks it is hilarious because it sounds so much like "Little Purple Panties" so she calls it that. It makes me uncomfortable, since all the other songs are about Jesus.)
Me: My Heavenly Father Loves Me (my favorite primary song and a good one to wind down on)

Anyway, so, today, as we were on, like, verse five hundred (or five) of Follow the Prophet, my mind is wandering as it usually does by this point. I am thinking about how I am not sure that the kids are even listening to the songs they are choosing, about how they are yelling at each other over this or that, torturing the cat, tripping over the things on the floor I didn't get around to picking up, breathing in the dust that has accummulated on shelves and...piano keys..., about how they do all those same things during our morning scripture reading, about how I may have given them five servings of fruits and vegetables today but I'm not sure how much they ate and how much is under the kitchen table, and how I just really really want them to be feeling happy and loved...and I'm not always sure how to best give them what they need.
It's just darn near impossible to do this parenting thing right, isn't it?

Then, this verse of Follow the Prophet:

Jonah was a prophet, tried to run away

But he later learned to listen and obey

When we really try, the Lord won't let us fail

That's what Jonah learned deep down inside a whale

And I learned it at the piano.

When we really try, the Lord won't let us fail.

It was really very touching...and as we went into the strangely ominous-sounding chorus of that song, I found myself fighting tears.

I know, but it had been a long and tiring day.

So, the reason I come here to get a little bit of this writing bug out of me tonight is to say to anyone else who ever wonders if their efforts are in vain, or even if they are good for something but maybe not enough...I feel ya.

So does Jonah.

And so does probably everyone else who ever lived.

But, lucky us, we don't have to get swallowed by a whale to learn that lesson.

Well, most of us don't. Jonah did. Kind of a bummer for him, but like many others in the scriptures, his experience becomes our experience.

I think that's the whole point.

Back to Mulan.

I wonder if I can learn anything good from her tonight...