Happy Birthday Mason!

I can't believe it's been a year since we did this last year!!!

June 3rd rolled around again and we felt like celebrating Mason and his life in the same way we did last year (it appears we have the makings of a family tradition!)

Here are some pictures of the kids getting ready to release balloons to heaven to let Daddy Mason know we were thinking of him on the date he came to this earth.

Scout is enthusiastic and ready.

We had colored our papers that said "Happy Birthday Daddy Mason" before JC got home and he picked up the balloons on his way home, so we were all set to go. Here he's getting the pictures taped on.

...handing out the balloons...(the big red one is for himself, of course. Not to keep for himself. To release...haha...)

Bethany takes hers for a spin, bonding with it a bit before sending it up and away!

Cute girl, showing off the lovely picture she colored!

The boys are getting theirs handed out to them...

And then it was up UP and AWAY!!! accompanied by shouts of "Happy Birthday, Daddy Mason!"

I don't have pictures of us actually releasing the balloons because I took video of it instead...and I couldn't get snapshots off it like I have in the past. Next year, we'll try again!

We tried to make the rest of the day special by plans of a special dinner, looking through old pictures, etc. It was one of those days that didn't go quite as expected...like so many these days! But I figure that, as the kids get older, it will be easier to make and keep plans and therefore do more and more in remembrance of someone so much a part of our family.

Speaking of the kids getting older, this year, Bethany was able to write her own name along with Mason's on the little card she taped to her balloon. After she wrote those, she looked at me and said, "Now, how do you spell 'I love you and I really really wish to see you'?

...One of those moments that makes me feel inadequate to teach my children all I want them to know about the grand plan that is so much a part of who we are as a family...

In the last year, Bethany and I have had quite a few conversations centering around Mason, who he is, and what his role in our family is. I see that she has a built-in love and respect for him. She just knows that he is someone important, someone a big part of who she is. But that's beneath the surface. On the surface, I see concern in her eyes sometimes, a struggle to always understand exactly what it all means...when he was here, when he left, why he left, why she doesn't remember it all.

BUT, I see her strong faith, her ability to feel the truthfulness of what I am teaching her about the "whys" and the "whos" and the "wheres." She doesn't question that he loves her and the rest of our family. She doesn't question that there is a spirit world seperate, yet so close, to the one we live in. She doesn't question that she'll be with him someday.

Even if she does sometimes really really wish, due to the great stories she hears about him and the reassurances that he thinks she is the greatest thing since...well...since me (haha), that she could see him.

I assume that, as the years evolve, so will the kids's understanding of the journey our little family has been making since before they were born.

So will mine.

Sometimes I really really wish I could see him too. Where he is, there is no wondering. There is no questioning. He probably would have some great things to tell me.

And probably some great parenting advice. :)

When I think about him and his role in our family...what he would say to us if we could hear him...I find myself remembering a time about...gosh...about ten years ago.

Wow, almost exactly ten years ago.

I'm getting old.

But anyway, Mason and I had dated steadily and seriously for a solid year. He had graduated and I was in the summer before my senior year. It was time for thinking about grown-up things. At least for me. I knew that it was time to change our relationship. I wasn't sure what the future held...more of him, less of him...but I knew that it wasn't the time to continue in a serious relationship. It's hard for me to think about, to talk about. He always loved me, he always held on to me like I was life itself. I know I hurt him when I changed our relationship..."broke up" with him...I remember vividly the scenes that played out, the look on his face, the tears, the questions.

I know it has a happy ending...but especially when he's not here to reassure me that it was all worth it, it's not my favorite memory.

But that's not the point.

The point is, a few days later, in his questioning of what our futures would hold, he gave me the lyrics to this song.

It made sense to me then.

It really makes sense to me now.

Come stop your crying

It will be all right

Just take my hand

Hold it tight

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

For one so small

You seem so strong

My arms will hold you

keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart always

Always.