Happy Birthday Mason!

I can't believe it's been a year since we did this last year!!!

June 3rd rolled around again and we felt like celebrating Mason and his life in the same way we did last year (it appears we have the makings of a family tradition!)

Here are some pictures of the kids getting ready to release balloons to heaven to let Daddy Mason know we were thinking of him on the date he came to this earth.

Scout is enthusiastic and ready.

We had colored our papers that said "Happy Birthday Daddy Mason" before JC got home and he picked up the balloons on his way home, so we were all set to go. Here he's getting the pictures taped on.

...handing out the balloons...(the big red one is for himself, of course. Not to keep for himself. To release...haha...)

Bethany takes hers for a spin, bonding with it a bit before sending it up and away!

Cute girl, showing off the lovely picture she colored!

The boys are getting theirs handed out to them...

And then it was up UP and AWAY!!! accompanied by shouts of "Happy Birthday, Daddy Mason!"

I don't have pictures of us actually releasing the balloons because I took video of it instead...and I couldn't get snapshots off it like I have in the past. Next year, we'll try again!

We tried to make the rest of the day special by plans of a special dinner, looking through old pictures, etc. It was one of those days that didn't go quite as expected...like so many these days! But I figure that, as the kids get older, it will be easier to make and keep plans and therefore do more and more in remembrance of someone so much a part of our family.

Speaking of the kids getting older, this year, Bethany was able to write her own name along with Mason's on the little card she taped to her balloon. After she wrote those, she looked at me and said, "Now, how do you spell 'I love you and I really really wish to see you'?

...One of those moments that makes me feel inadequate to teach my children all I want them to know about the grand plan that is so much a part of who we are as a family...

In the last year, Bethany and I have had quite a few conversations centering around Mason, who he is, and what his role in our family is. I see that she has a built-in love and respect for him. She just knows that he is someone important, someone a big part of who she is. But that's beneath the surface. On the surface, I see concern in her eyes sometimes, a struggle to always understand exactly what it all means...when he was here, when he left, why he left, why she doesn't remember it all.

BUT, I see her strong faith, her ability to feel the truthfulness of what I am teaching her about the "whys" and the "whos" and the "wheres." She doesn't question that he loves her and the rest of our family. She doesn't question that there is a spirit world seperate, yet so close, to the one we live in. She doesn't question that she'll be with him someday.

Even if she does sometimes really really wish, due to the great stories she hears about him and the reassurances that he thinks she is the greatest thing since...well...since me (haha), that she could see him.

I assume that, as the years evolve, so will the kids's understanding of the journey our little family has been making since before they were born.

So will mine.

Sometimes I really really wish I could see him too. Where he is, there is no wondering. There is no questioning. He probably would have some great things to tell me.

And probably some great parenting advice. :)

When I think about him and his role in our family...what he would say to us if we could hear him...I find myself remembering a time about...gosh...about ten years ago.

Wow, almost exactly ten years ago.

I'm getting old.

But anyway, Mason and I had dated steadily and seriously for a solid year. He had graduated and I was in the summer before my senior year. It was time for thinking about grown-up things. At least for me. I knew that it was time to change our relationship. I wasn't sure what the future held...more of him, less of him...but I knew that it wasn't the time to continue in a serious relationship. It's hard for me to think about, to talk about. He always loved me, he always held on to me like I was life itself. I know I hurt him when I changed our relationship..."broke up" with him...I remember vividly the scenes that played out, the look on his face, the tears, the questions.

I know it has a happy ending...but especially when he's not here to reassure me that it was all worth it, it's not my favorite memory.

But that's not the point.

The point is, a few days later, in his questioning of what our futures would hold, he gave me the lyrics to this song.

It made sense to me then.

It really makes sense to me now.

Come stop your crying

It will be all right

Just take my hand

Hold it tight

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

For one so small

You seem so strong

My arms will hold you

keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart always

Always.

How's that for appreciation?

Just now, while Ben is napping, Bethany is playing on her learn-to-read website and I am slaving away at my all-too-detailed Family Emergency Plan, James crawled up behind me in JC's oversized office chair.

"What you doing Mama?"

"I'm working on outlining disaster preparedness in the case of a severe thunderstorm."

"Yay!!!! Thank you Mama!" (while rubbing my cheek affectionately)

He had no idea what I was doing and even after I explained, it probably made no sense to him...but he automatically assumed that, because I was spending time on it, it must be important and in his best interest.

That boy will make a fine husband someday.

The Play by Play

As I type this, I am lounging in a leather recliner in our front room. Because I can.
Yes, instead of sitting down in the oh-so-practical office at my normal blogging spot, I carried my handy dandy laptop away from its comfy spot on the kitchen counter and together we found a comfier spot with a better view.
It's been a long time since I could sit peacefully in this room...for reasons explained in my last ranting post. Projects here, projects there, pieces of our life everywhere! And especially in the front room. You would think this would be the untouched room because our everyday lives hold very little for this room. It's mostly reserved for visitors, morning family scripture reading and prayer, sitting and waiting for visitors...waiting for scripture reading...and it is my favorite spot to just sit. Just sit and reflect, sit and be.
But, anyway, because it is not a space we use for a whole lot, I also end up dumping a whole lot here since it's out of the way! Unfortunate, but true. So, my spot to sit and be has been, for the past couple of months, unused for such things. Who wants to look at a solar oven yet unused, remnants of curtain packaging, random packings of diaper bags of outings past, and a sofa table still in front of the fire place even though it was only put there to make room for the Christmas tree (which, thank heavens, was actually put away in a timely manner this year)? So, I've avoided this room somewhat.
But today...I reclaimed it. Among other areas of the house. My mind is a much more peaceful one tonight than it was last night when I was contemplating moving just to not have so much space to clean and stay on top of.
I have those moments.
I'll have them again.
But anyway, today, my little ones went over to my mom's for some Grandma Trudie Time. It's definitely a favorite time.
And, while they chased her cat, made pictures with stickers, and strung beaded necklaces, I cleaned. And what a great cleaning day it was.

I text JC when I was back from dropping the children off to begin their adventures and told him I was giving him a play by play of my doings today. I thought I would stay super motivated if I knew he was aware of what I was getting done and how fast. It was my strange little way of competing with...nobody...

So, as a follow-up to my commitment yesterday to be more on top of house-ly things, I give you...

My Day.
(As reported to my other half.)

10:11am Me: Laundry load number one (kids' clothes) going. Starting on first load of dishes. Go!

10:34am Me: First load of dishes going. On to entry way.

10:55am Me: Entry way and stairs cleaned and swept, Clara's "Two Step" danced to, first section of entry way soaking for scrubbing, second load of laundry (our clothes) going. Sweating. On to front room!

(In explanation of the dancing, my dad recently introduced me to pandora radio and I carried this same handy dandy laptop around the house with me today as it played songs in an effort to create an ideal playlist for a day such as today.)

10:59am JC: You are zooming!

(JC runs around like a chicken with his head cut off at work. He does check his phone every once in a while though...and, as you can see, it's worth the wait. A quote from Rat Race.)

11:39am Me: Front room cleaned (yes, even the solar oven put away and water storage moved outside), dusted, vacuumed, long table moved back to the place it belongs, second section of entryway soaking to scrub, first section scrubbed. Sweating a lot. On to the mujaiv room!

11:40am Me: Um...that was supposed to say music room. Also, I listened to a Taylor Swift song and laughed about that patient of yours who says she's hot because she's "underdeveloped."

11:41am JC: You are awesome!

12:04pm Me: Music room cleaned, dusted and vacuumed. Second section of entry way scrubbed, third soaking, laundry and dishes still going. Feeling faint. Lunch break.

12:31pm JC: By the way, there is a cookie on the top shelf if you want it.

12:33pm Me: You are my favorite.

12:50pm Me: Lunch break over. Took more time than I should have and ate in front of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight." Cried a lot and now my cheeks are raw. It was so sad. Now I'm going to go clean some more. And maybe cry some more.

1:40pm Me: Next load of laundry going, open area in basement and ball pit and hallway cleaned and vacuumed, basement stairs and other stairs all scrubbed. Became annoyed with pandora's selection for me. Going to tweak my playlist then on to the kitchen. Pray for me. Haha

1:49pm JC: Meka-leka-hi-meka-hiny-ho

1:50pm Me: I concur.

. . . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

2:42pm JC:How's the kitchen treating you?

2:43pm Me: Brutally.

. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

4:00pm Me: Kitchen cleaned, swept, second load of dishes going, one section of kitchen floor scrubbed, second section soaking, love/hate relationship with the size of our kitchen reiterated, third load of laundry (sheets and blankets) drying, kids home, sitting down and visiting and playing with them. Breathing.

(To explain my love/hate relationship with my kitchen, I'll have you know that I love my kitchen. But i will also have you know that, using six large sized bath towels, it takes about ten sections to do my floor. I arrange the towels, let them soak, scrub the floor as I pull them up a while later, rearrange them on the next section of floor, and continue. Ten times. This is when I hate my kitchen.)

5:11pm Me: Third section of kitchen floor scrubbed, fourth soaking, kids fed and full of energy, kitchen re-cleaned after making dinner, baseboards and walls in kitchen entry and around table washed, barbecue sauce that's been there for two months gone...washing it off our beige walls and white trim made me realize that painting the wall behind the table red would be not only pleasing to the eye but functional for hiding such things. Let's put it in the books for next year. :)

5:55pm Me: Ben bathed, bathroom mirror washed (with Bethany's help), counters and sinks washed (with Bethany's help), toilet scrubbed (nobody wanted to help with that), James in bath. I hope your evening is going well.

6:04pm JC: All sounds great. What's for dinner?

6:05pm Me: ....what do you...think...is for dinner?

6:12pm JC: I thought the kids were having peanut butter and jelly and we were having Pei Wei.

6:19pm Me: You got it right! That was amazing. :) Well, except that the kids had leftover focacia bread dipped in spaghetti sauce with ham and pineapple on the side and a pickle for dessert. Other than that small descrepency you hit it right on the nose!

(If you can't tell, this portion of the conversation was our way of me letting him know that I had not gotten an actual dinner made and him acknowledging and understanding that.)

6:25 Me: Bethany's in the bath, the clean boys are playing happily and cracking up about something (so cute!), the bathroom garbage is emptied and washed out and the floor is swept. And Bethany is attempting to push boundaries and have her bathtime cut short.

A few minutes later, JC surprised me by calling to let me know he was on his way home! Earlier than usual, halleluia!

So, anyway, that was my Wednesday this week. I thought I would document what I got done...even if the bedrooms were still messy, the laundry is neither folded or put away but piled up in baskets in the laundry room, the playroom wasn't touched, the upstairs bathrooms are still waiting for a good scrub down and only about 3/4 of the kitchen floor got done.

(sigh)

But I don't mind so much. I worked my tail off all day like I said I would.

And that gives me hope that, by the time we are leaving our doors open to let in the cool autumn breeze, it will be blowing through a much more peaceful, orderly house than it has in autumns past.

There truly is a time and a season for everything. (If only I had a dime for every time someone has said that to me in recent years!)

Hear ye, hear ye!

Be it known to all

family,

friends,

hometeachers,

visiting teachers,

elders quorum presidencies who worry when we don't come to church due to sick kids,

door to door salesmen (will you please stop coming during rest time or when I'm trying to cook dinner?),

and

MOST OF ALL

my own poisonous thoughts that try to convince me that my value lies in the presentability of my home...

WE ARE UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!

Boxes, closets and under-the-bed spaces, etc. that have not or hardly been touched in the last three years are being touched, weeded through, and organized.

Projects (I use this term loosely) that have needed attention for months, even years, are being thought about and slowly but surely attacked.

Yes, I'm talking about everything from cleaning out our storage closet to scrubbing the toilets. It's unfortunate, but the time for pretending is past.

There's a good chance that, if you enter my house in the next few months it will be worse...yes, you heard me, worse...than you have ever seen it.

But, it is the dark before the light. What is strewn hither and thither will soon have permanent ownership of a spot in the house. What is sticky and spotty will soon sparkle.

Just not today. Or tomorrow.

But fall always has been my favorite time of year.

Let's shoot for that.

In the meantime, come oh ye people come. Just come at your own risk and know that, even if I don't apologize profusely for the mess the whole time you are here, I am dying inside thinking about it. :) And when you're gone, I'm working on it.

Let the summer games begin!

Ballard Trail Blazing

In addition to being more social this summer, we are also just plain getting out more. I love doing things as a family. The idea of doing breakfast out together, grocery shopping together, house cleaning together, doing yard work together, gardening together, preparing meals together, playing sports together, traveling together, etc. all gets very exciting for me.

As our median age levels out a bit, these things are slowly starting to happen and be planned for.

Things we're still just planning for? Yard work-ing, gardening, traveling.

Things we're actually doing? Introducing some sports on a toddler level (we like to practice kicking a ball into a "goal" and having one of us be a "goalie"), preparing meals, visiting restaurants and going on small shopping trips.

Take a gander:

We ate out for breakfast a few weeks ago...just spontaneously decided to get dressed and head out!

Here, Ben is enjoying some juice. It's rare he gets to enjoy juice that's not laced with protein powder, garlic, echinacea, etc.! Not that he really cares. To him, juice is juice!

Here, he is "enjoying" (though he actually does appear to be enjoying) a time-out. He is still learning proper restaurant behavior and pushed it over the line a couple times. So...sitting outside on a bench time-out.

Oh, french toast sticks.

Finger-lickin good.

We don't require a triple stroller for every shopping trip anymore. In FACT, a couple of our favorite stores allow for the kids to actually walk around with their own carts, giving them something to do other than run around aimlessly!

Here, they browse at Sportsmans.

...and try on the merchandise.

But, our all-time favorite (which is luckily right by our house) is Trader Joe's.

Thank the heavens for Trader Joe's. I can actually buy snacks there that are convenient, cheap, and will not slowly kill my children.

Check them out. They know what they're shopping for.

Getting the goods.

Hopefully, this kind of activity is the beginning of lots of future quality time together doing the kinds of things that allow us to spend time together as a family doing normal everyday things like shop, eat, play, learn, etc. I know it's just a silly trip to the grocery store but I love moments where I feel that not only are we enjoying each other's company but also utilize teaching moments, learning about what it takes to contribute to a family and a household and share in responsibilities.

Like picking out the perfect strawberries. That's my kind of responsibility.

Social Creatures

Something about the warmer weather moves us to slowly but surely expand our horizons and spend more time with others.

I guess after last summer's bout with sickness, we're ready for a summer of more social tendencies!

Plus, with kids getting older, naptime not (AS much of) an issue, the wind of change blowing less forcefully through our world and a not pregnant, not (as) anxious, not (as) exhausted me running the household, combining our own schedule with that of others' is happening more often!

Oh happy day!

Actually, many happy days!

Here's a glimpse at us trying our hand at this whole thing.

Our little friend Rowdy recently got a new baby brother! In celebration, we have had him over a couple of times to give him somewhere to blow off some energy and his mama and new brother time to rest (hopefully) and enjoy some time together. On our side, it's a pretty good deal...an extra friend around to play with. This keeps everyone a bit happier and gives us a change of pace.

Bethany spent some time showing Ben and Rowdy the ins and outs of how to play with one of these bopper toys things. This is not the traditional method of playing. Instead, we like to assert our dominance to the toy not by bopping it and making it bounce back up but piling on top of it.

So cute...eating their lunch together. It's particularly funny that, at first glance, James and Rowdy appear interchangeable. They are so much alike in personality and preferances that dressing them alike just furthers the likeness!

We've also been fortunate to have had, and been able to make it to, a few family dinners! Sure, we've had our times we've had to call in sick (or crazy...haha) here and there, but mostly, we've been able to make it out to enjoy some time with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

I seem to have a lot of pictures of us hanging out with JC's mom and family...I think because there are cousins involved so I break out the camera more readily!

This was a pinata left over from Easter, I'm pretty sure. But, that was, unfortunately, one of the gatherings we came down sick for, so a month or so ago, out it came for everyone's enjoyment! Thanks to Grandma Teri and Aunt Melissa for not only putting this together but waiting until we were there to enjoy it to use it!

Ben attempts with hands only first:

Then, moves on to a serving spoon:

James gives it a try with the same spoon:

And graduates to the bat:

Bethany jumps right in with the bat! Look at that swing!

One of the kids' favorite things to do with Grandma Teri is "piggies."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home...

...this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none...

...and THIS little piggy went weee weee weee all the way HOME!"

Earlier this month, the extended version of the Ballard Bunch came over for dinner at our place. Ben asserted his attention-getting power by stripping down and climbing on the couch to make himself taller.

It didn't work as well as he hoped, so he took it one step further and began performing stunts.

But, James was busy building a puzzle with Grandma...

Bethany and Brittney were keeping busy with the dress-up...

and JC and Colton were wrapped up in some fierce Mario Kart competition. (Colton was apparently lacking on sleep because I'm pretty sure that's a hefty yawn he's got going there!)

Ben wasn't having it. Once he realized he couldn't pull his cousin away from his game...

He just joined in. :)

Ben has a cute connection with his cousin, Colton. He always gets excited to see him, attaches to him more readily than anyone else (well, except maybe Grandma of course!), and...it appears...wants to be like him.

Here's another day with Rowdy...

As I mentioned, he and James are so much alike! This can be really great or really volatile! Haha...they are so funny.

Here, James is establishing his territory and, I'm pretty sure, letting Rowdy know about it:

And here (though it's blurry...I think our camera is calling it quits), Rowdy lets James know he's not going to go quietly! I wish you could see his face more clearly in this picture! He is not messing around!

And here's his angel face!

Boys being boys! Jumping...climbing...

...xylophone-ing...

And when Rowdy was over one day, we discovered the joy of taking this big parachute thing we like to play with, piling everyone on it, and me pulling them around the kitchen floor! SO fun. Here, Bethany is trying to duplicate my efforts.

My sister, Monica, was kind/brave enough to come hang out with us one day as we did some shopping and spent time at a park. The weather was supposed to be nice so I thought the kids deserved some fun time out in it somewhere other than our backyard. Due to previous experience, I no longer attempt such things on my own. But, like I said, Monica was game and off we went!

After a successful Target trip, we came to this park in a neighborhood near ours.

Monica slid...

and pushed swings.

And enjoyed the swings a bit herself! (blurry, yes.)

After a while, the heat turned us into this:

and this:

Which soon escalated into this:

So, we went home.

We played and I made some lunch. Meanwhile, the kids convinced Monica to play some songs for them in the music room. Once lunch was ready, they were still pretty excited about the fact that they could request Primary or Disney songs and have them played for their enjoyment.

SO, I moved their little table into the music room and we experienced a dinner theatre kind of lunch!

Being serenaded...

It was awesome.

Just this weekend, Bethany had one of her first little girl-friend birthday parties. She's been to a couple birthday parties before but this was the sort of grownup kind where moms drop their kids off and there's a theme and activities planned, etc. So, she was quite excited! Turns out, her little friend lives kind of far from us...so she and I drove out and I stayed, making it not as much of a grownup experience for her! Haha...but between you and me, I don't think she would have wanted me to leave anyway! Wishful thinking maybe...but she is definitely her mother's daughter! My shy little girl!

Besides, when her friend's mom is one of my best friends, I think it's only fair that I get to hang out too! Maylee is Ali's little girl and Ali and I have been friends for years and years...my dad used to call me an "Ali-gator" when I was in highschool because I would hang out with Ali so much.

...It's funny the things you remember...

Anyway, true to our dreams from back then, we have little girls around the same age and they are friends. :)

In fact, when we were getting ready to go to the party, Bethany said to me, "Mom, I am so glad to go to Maylee's birthday party because she is my bestest bestest friend and I love her so much."

Ohhhh cute.

Here they are, working on one of the cute activites Ali had planned.

Painting...

Being cute.

Bug-hunting...(it was a garden-themed party and SO cute!)

Here, Ali's oldest, Teagan, is helping Bethany find bugs for her little flower pot. (Um, obviously, little pretend bugs that Ali had hidden...they weren't using this activity as a simple solution to some sort of insect infestation...)

I think this is cute because...well...because I'm pretty sure Bethany thinks Teagan is cute. :) And I'm pretty sure he thinks she is an extended little sister of sorts. :) It's really cute the way he was helping her and she was looking at him like he was her hero.

Maylee got her gorgeous cake ready with candles.

Oh, the anticipation! Bethany is mesmerized by the fire and Maylee is just so cute and excited!

I think this face is when Bethany found out she was going to have ice cream! Haha...we NEVER have ice cream. But dairy is not as much an issue with her as it is the boys and Ali is SO GOOD about moderation in these kinds of things, I was all for her indulging for Maylee's birthday!

Ohhhh, yes!

(This indulgence led to a few nice chocolate stains on her shirt...which, because she was so excited and wanted to dress up for the party, I had pulled out of her school clothes for next year! Great!)

What do you get when you combine a nice white shirt, chocolate cake, and a me who doesn't usually worry too much about stain removal therefore doesn't really know what to do?

You get Ali's husband, Kevin, saving the day with an ice cube and some powder I didn't know existed called oxi-something?

Thanks, Kevin (for doing this and for not getting mad when I took a picture of you doing this...or at least pretending to not be mad...). Bethany has you to thank for her pretty shirt staying pretty.

And not me to thank at all.

So, I suppose if I'm going to continue working on our social skills, I should start by learning a thing or two about stain removal.

Good times.