Mothers' Day - - A Rambling Tribute

The subject of being a mother is hard for me to write about sometimes...not because I don't have thoughts on it...but because I have just too darn many. :)
(This is not limited solely to the subject of being a mother. But, if you are reading this, you probably know me well enough to know that already!)

But, what I can say is that it is such a privilege and a blessing. Every day I am trying to learn to better understand such a magnificent calling, serve humbly in its vastness, yet remember to simply embrace the joy that it holds. I love that I get to be a mother. I love that Heavenly Father finds me worthy to serve in this capacity and trusts that I will do my best. I love that Jesus Christ descended to this earth and lived as a man to fulfill his ministry so that I have a perfect example to look to. I love, especially, that He was able and willing to give us the most precious gift of the atonement so that I can utilize Him in the role of the Savior...in every moment that I fall short in my calling, He makes my efforts whole. I love that my husband thinks I am a great mother and trusts me to do my part of nurturing our children as he provides for them. (But, if you are reading this, you probably know him well enough to know that he does a brilliant job of nurturing them as well. We are so lucky.) I love that I have the best example I could ask for in my own mother.

This gets its own paragraph. Or several.

My mom is, literally, the best mom I could have asked for. And, considering we probably had a say in the fact that we came to earth as mother and daughter, I probably did ask for her. To which she probably simply conceded, knowing full well I would not always be an easy daughter to have but that, someday, maybe it would be worth it. (I'm working on that someday...haha)
But I do say that in jest, and not because I think I am the world's greatest daughter but because I know that I have worth, even in my difficulties and imperfections. And I really owe that to my mom. My dad too...he gets his own write up someday. :) But, my mom taught me so many things and continues to teach me so much.
She is the master of informal teaching moments. Considering she homeschooled all of us for a period of time (me all the way until the sixth grade), she is also a master of formal teaching moments. But, the more I think back over my childhood, I have so many memories of being taught every day, in ordinary moments. The conversations we casually had, the simple way she informed us of and helped us understand who we are, why we are here. The times we sat together and sang songs, read stories, colored pictures, learned skills that made us better people and better in touch with our spirits...those are the times I remember very clearly now that I have children of my own. When I am not sure I am doing enough for my children, I remember how much impact those simple moments have had on me and my siblings, and I know that as I do those same things...that come rather naturally to me because of her...my kids are being blessed as well.
She amazes me with her ability to find balance. Maybe she doesn't always feel like she has balance in her life...very few of us feel that way...but I see a talent for keeping balance. I would be willing to say that 95% of her time, she is serving others. If not more. There is so much she does for others, ranging from very elaborate sewing services to scrubbing toilets in her own home. :) And much much much more in between She gives of almost all of her time, almost all of her energy, almost all of her resources to bettering the lives and happiness of others. I stand in amazement of it and I hope to emulate that throughout my entire life. Right now I stick more on the diaper changing side of the service spectrum...but someday I will widen that spectrum, so help me! :) But one of the greatest lessons she has taught me is in that "almost all." She doesn't give everything. None of us have everything to give. We must give to ourselves as well. We must nurture our own spirits, our own talents, our own progression. We must make time for the things that are important in our lives and we must be willing to say no sometimes. Do you know how many years of people-pleasing anxiety my mom has shaved off my life for me? She serves others in a way I have never seen exemplified in anyone else's life. But she nurtures herself because she knows she has worth. Maybe she doesn't always feel that way...who does? But I think that, at the core of her, she has a very great understanding of how to maintain balance, acknowledge her worth, and serve the heck out of everyone else. :)
On a bit of the same subject, she has taught me, through word and deed, how to prioritize.
Ever since becoming an adult (sort of) and experiencing that thing we all experience at some point or another...someone else questioning how we do things...I have felt confused and surprised that anyone would question putting home and family first. My children, my marriage, our well-being as a family unit...I never thought twice and I assumed nobody else did either. Then, once I realized that this was not the case, I at first wondered what it was that made me so darn stubborn in that area...as one who questions myself just as frequently as every other human on this planet, why was it that this was something that felt ingrained in me in a very factual way? At some point, I realized that it was very simple...this was what I experienced growing up. My mom served and taught us. Her family and home were her priority. Nobody had to tell her to teach us the gospel, to show us love, to make raising us with all the energy of her heart a priority. She just did it. And that is why I just do it. I always used to hate when people used that as an excuse for things they do or don't do - - "Oh, it's how I was raised..." I figured at some point, hopefully early on in their adult lives, people should probably figure out how they feel about things instead of relying on how their parents felt about things. But I have realized something very critical...the reason that happened for me is that my parents always made me feel like I could and should have my own feelings, my own opinions about things. And they always respect me enough to give value to those feelings. Which made me trust my own priorities, my own values. (which, yes, in turn, ended up pretty closely mirroring theirs. Who knew?) :) Which leads me to something else...
She has taught me respect for others. No matter what, everyone is deserving of respect and kindness. I have seen her apply this to many people and relationships but the one most applicable in this moment is that she and my dad always respected us, their children. I know so many people that respect them as parents. I have had several people ask me what I felt like my parents do differently or specifically in our family...they can see that something special is there and they want to know what it is. I didn't always know what to say...it is hard to just pinpoint something. But, I believe their parenting approach has a lot to do with respect. They always offered respect to us. I don't know about my siblings but I know I wasn't always worthy of a whole lot of extra respect...but they always offered it. I believe my mom really has a talent for making people feel accepted. I always knew when my mom was disappointed with something I did or when she disapproved of my choices or when she was frustrated with me BUT I never felt like I had the ability to change her mind about me as a person, as her child. It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't have her love and respect. Now that I am an adult, I realize how critical that feeling is for a person. And how common it can be for parents to use their love and approval as something to be earned or kept. The idea of that is so sad to me because I can look back and really see how different my life could have been if I had been walking around feeling like I had to earn my parents' respect. I am so grateful for their unwavering acceptance.
At one point in my adult life, I was really struggling with others' expectations. I have pretty high expectations of myself so when other expectations are shoved at me, I tend to...bristle...a bit, if you will. The idea of someone pushing their own expectations on me based on their agendas and their notions just doesn't sit well. I couldn't really figure out why this bothered me so much. Then, in talking with my mom about it, I asked what her expectations were for us, her children. She thought for a minute and said, "I only really every wanted you to respect each other and be kind to each other." And that was that. And suddenly it was clear to me why I dislike unrealistic or unnecessary expectations being pushed into my world. Because I never had to deal with them before. I honestly cannot remember ever feeling like I had to measure up to any expectations. Other than being kind and being respectful. I was taught right from wrong, I was taught the rules of our home based on that right and wrong, then I was merely expected to respect my family and our home. And to show that respect and my love through kindness to my family and others. I can't really think of any better way to set a child up for a success in life.
You know, I could keep going. But these are a lot of the things that I have become very aware of in the last couple of years. Some of the things that make my mom so fantastic in her role of a mom. Just a few areas in which I believe she really excels. Just a few. I would have to start a whole other blog to highlight all the areas in which I am blessed in the parental category. Family category for that matter. Hmm...maybe I will start that blog...

Anyway, so, that is where I come from when it comes to a mom. When it comes to me being a mom...my Mothers Day was great. :) The kids got me cute jewelry to spice up my closet a bit and we spent the day together as a family. We went to church where I wore my first ever mothers day corsage. JC bought it from the young women who were making them as fund-raisers for girls' camp. I feel like an official Mormon Mom now. :) I love it.

And, for our annual mommy-and-me picture on Mothers' Day...

There are two.
One with Ben smiling at the camera and James smiling at Ben...

and one with James smiling at the camera and Ben smiling at James.
And, of course, Bethany is smiling sweet in both.

So, anyway, I love being a mom, I love having a mom and boy howdy am I chatty lately.

P.S. Lost was gooood.