In anticipation . . . 2009: Building the Basics

As I looked to this new year coming on, I had one of those moments where I was afraid to actually think the thought that was building up in my brain...I was afraid because, once you think a thought, even if you don't speak it out loud, you can jinx yourself right into a big fat dose of irony.  

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? 

Well, anyway, I wouldn't allow myself to formally think it but I think I may just go ahead and voice it now anyway...

This year coming up looks...well...pretty bare. There really is not a single thing on my long-term calendar. No big changes on the horizon. No big decisions to be made. No deadlines. No pressure of having committed to something-or-other looming in the future. It feels...like a blank slate. 

What the crap do I do with a blank slate?

Ahem.

I mean . . . wow. It feels like it's been a while since I had one of these. 

2005 - - the year of becoming a parent (holy heavens, a slap in the face...luckily, it gets less panic-inducing as you gain confidence), of having a new home, selling a new home, packing up, gaining the title of "widow" and eventually, again, "bride", moving twice...all while in a state of some sort of chronic shock, this year was about pure ADRENALINE

2006 - - the year of becoming the parent of TWO (big step, my friends, big step), moving again, trying to get all unpacked and settled (ha!), experiencing more anxiety than I knew was possible and learning to juggle more than one callings at church at the same time as more than one child at home...all while remaining mostly disconnected from life in general...this year was all about SURVIVAL

2007 - - the year of becoming the parent of THREE (I know it sounds cliche, but seriously, once you're outnumbered, it's a whole new ballgame), continuing to try to get settled into our house, experiencing a lot of real life drama in the lives of those close to us, trying to figure out how to make a marriage thrive amongst the nasty winds of change and trauma...all while riding the wonderful wave of hormones that is three preganancies in three years (doesn't go away quickly, unfortunately)...this year was about NOT GETTING DRAGGED UNDER 

2008 - - the year of weeding out the bads and the uglies from our lives, the year of building some relationships and letting others fall by the wayside, the year of learning what is worth a fight and what's not (and trying to honor those realizations), the year of the freaking five month long bout of sickness our house had! and the year of finding out, and dealing with, the fact that I actually DO experience REAL anxiety and that there is work I can put in to lessen it. (to which I said BRING IT!) The year of being on the defense, of learning that other people's expectations of you usually have nothing to do with what's best for you and your family and everything to do with their own preferences. The year of attacking my perfectionistic tendencies and teaching myself to be okay with a messy house and even a messy life sometimes...the year I decided to be more present with my children..the year I started blogging about it :) and the year I began to find peace...all while being on a rollercoaster of realizations...this year was about BREAKDOWNS and BREAKTHROUGHS

SO.

Now.

2009.

Blank slate.

I felt the need to label it. 

I know this may sound unnecessary, but if you know me really well, you are proud of me for ONLY labeling it and not color coding it, cross-referencing it and filing it away, then checking it off a list somewhere.

So, here it is - - 2009 has GOT to be about basics.  I know the phrase typically used is "Back to Basics" and I considered this...but the thing is, I don't remember ever actually having the basics down so really, I have no basics to go back to.  As a family, we have been doing some strange balancing act of survival, with a random dose of luxury thrown in there every once in a while.  It's like, for the most part, I consider it a good day if nobody has a head injury and I fed my family food that won't kill them at decent intervals throughout the day.  Then, every once in a while we remodel the basement or take a big trip or spend three hours in the salon every three weeks to be blonde when "we" are really so far from blonde that it's borderline ridiculous.

See what I mean? A strange balance. I think I did this, trying to tip the scales a bit...and sometimes it really worked. But things aren't so crazy anymore.

So, this is the year I will get my head on straight. It's been enough time. My head has stopped spinning for the most part (well, the extra spinning at least...the normal mom-of-three spinning is still there but it comes with the territory, so I don't mind it so much). I don't feel disconnected so much anymore. The numbness is fading away and I have learned to live with awareness. So it's time our little family establishes our foundation.

A foundation built on basics. There are lots of areas that contribute to the basics of our lives. So, I decided that no one area needs the full focus...our spiritual foundation becomes intertwined with our physical foundation at some point...our physical becomes intertwined with our environment/home...our home is intertwined with our mental foundation, etc. It all flows together. So, I don't know that I have any set goals or resoluations, as is the norm. But, I have stopped my decorating daydreams. Made a list of projects already in motion (how does that list get so long???) and other than those, my daydreams now go to building a healthy home (a nicer way of saying "find a way to actually keep my house clean"). My time is going toward working out to strengthen my body instead of going to hair appointments to beautify it (just so we are clear, there is NOTHING wrong with hair appointments...mine are just on hiatus!). My money is going toward things that contribute to the health of my body, home, family and future rather than the more frivolous things. (also probably on hiatus.) :) 

Will this way of living be perfect? No. I'm sure I'll crack and spend time, money and effort on something that is not a "basic." But you get my general intention. And, more importantly, I get my general intention. For once, I'm fully on board with my own "resolution" if it can be called that.  

Our family may already be formed but it's not too late to start it out on the right foot. Establish our Ballard Basics. 

Ooh, I like that.

The Ballard Basics. Health in body, mind, spirit, home and family. We'll build the foundations for these things this year. Maybe some of those foundations are already partially there for all I know...heavens, I haven't even had the clarity to notice yet. But I'll get it. This is the year I finally feel awake enough to get it. To strip it all down and build the parts that are important.

Then, maybe the next year will be about beautifying. And I can decorate. 

Perhaps the year after that will be the year I really get my groove back. 

But for now, I'm here. Absolutely thrilled to be feeling strong and eager to work hard at the very heart of our world. 

And, of course, write about it as I go. Can't help myself.