An official swat on my spiritual behind . . .

It's Sunday evening and I am thinking about what I should write. This week was such a normal/tumultuous one...

I have yet to decode the true meaning of all that has been on my mind; As of yet, I just have pieces. But, so many things fell into place for me. Mostly internally.

You see, I live in a world that many do..that of a "homemaker." I don't know why I put that word in quotes...I truly believe it to be the title I love and try to live up to, I don't see it as even almost derrogatory. In fact, I feel it is an honor, as there could never be a more important job. I don't just say that to make myelf feel important; I know it's true. If anything, at times, I am weighted down by such a lofty calling. I've heard terms such as "Domestic Engineer" "CEO of the Home," etc. These titles make me laugh and give a hearty "Amen!" but I still like "homemaker." (I do not like "housewife" as I have a very clear memory of my mom repeatedly saying "I'm not a wife to my house, I'm a wife to my husband." I guess it's her I got my favoritism for the term "homemaker" from!)

Anyway, I live in this world that so many women do and I experience it much the same as many women do. More so than I realized, I think.

I found myself in a slum this week...feeling a bit sorry for myself. I have never found myself wishing I did something else or lived a different life but at one point this week I just suddenly stopped and thought that if I didn't want to get to that point, I needed to change my attitude, my spirit or my general mindset for the better. I was feeling very discouraged and I just didn't know why. Why should I be feeling sorry for myself, even amongst all the not-so-lovely parts of mothering and housekeeping? I LOVE my children and my husband, and there is nothing I want more than to take care of them fully and beautifully. I want to create an atmosphere of love and beauty in this home that I love. I want a house of order, a house of cleanliness; I want a frilly apron and something wonderful cooking and filling the house with intoxicating aromas when JC gets home from work. I want my kids to be thriving and nurtured. Nothing is more important than my family...therefore, I want to love them the most I can, feed them the best I can, teach them all I can and provide anything and everything that they could possibly need to move through this life in joy and truth. This, and much more, is what I am working my TAIL off for day in and day out. So, why would I feel restless and discouraged?

The answer came to me in a few different ways. Heavenly Father has been very generous in making sure I get the message He intends for me at this time!

First, through my mom...of course! She always has wisdom even when I don't want to hear it! (Thank you.) Then, through JC...always a voice of simplicity and reason shining into my chaotic mind. (Thank you.) Through a friend that called me randomly one evening, (Thanks, Katie!) a sister who sent a link in an email (Thanks sister Katie!), a sister-in-law who sent an email expressing the exact emotions I had been struggling with. (Thank you Alice.) Through the blog of an amazing woman who led me to re-read a conference talk I had forgotten (Mothers Who Know, Julie Beck). (Thank you to Stephanie Nielson, how I wish I could tell her!) Through a quote a cousin shared. (Thanks Zonnie.) And, lastly, through one of His servants, at Relief Society General Conference last night. What an amazing talk by President Uchtdorf. During the first few minutes of his talk, I glared at the screen, trying to determine how it was that he could see me, see my thoughts, know of my feelings and speak right to me!

So, trying to keep this short and simple (I'm trying to learn to reign in my tendency to talk everything to death!), I will just say that I learned some important lessons this week.

I wondered why it was I felt discouraged and unfulfilled doing all the things I want most to be doing. It was because I was trying to overdo them. I feel like I've been through this cycle before, but this time it hit me with a lot of weight...we strive for too much perfection. I strive for too much perfection. Progression is one thing...perfection is another. We women have GOT to stop beating ourselves up. There is so much I could say in hopes of helping another woman NOT feel the way I sometimes find myself feeling...we all think we're not enough. And, in reality, there are a lot of cold, hard facts staring us in the face telling us we're not enough. But, we ARE. And I finally realized why...(get ready for a classic answer)...it's not because of us that we're enough...

The atonement makes us enough. The atonement makes me enough. Heavenly Father knows my heart. He knows how badly I desire to take care of my family in the very best way possible. He knows that I also have weaknesses and I fall short. But He's known this for a long time and He made sure we didn't HAVE to stress about this! Again, a desire to progress, to do our best, this is part of our divine nature and it is meant to be a strength. But, I have let it turn into a weakness of mine...a search for my own perfectionism. And guess what? I know it's a shocker, but it doesn't exist. Or, it does, but it's not mine...it's shared with the One who does make us perfect. Every second of every day, as I strive to do my very best, to give all I have, to try to ignore the doubts I have about my own strength, my own abilities, He is there, filling in the spaces left empty by me. I don't have to stress about my strength or my abilities. Because I have His on my side. And His are infinite. I don't know why it took me this long to realize why I can do this. I've always figured I could do it. :) But, once I thought about it...my children, all of our children, are some of the most precious, precious, spirits our Heavenly Father has. And he has given them to ME??? I would be a little wary if I were Him. Again, I sure WANT to do a fantastic job, but by all means...if I were Him I would be sure to have some back-up! That back-up is the atonement that He provided for us. We don't have to perfect. We just have to love our kids, our husbands, our homes...if we are doing that, and asking for His help, we just can't fail.

So, let's all take a deep breath, and stop beating ourselves up. After you take said deep breath, if you haven't read Sister Beck's talk, please do.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2a4826cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

I dont' know when President Uchtdorf's talk will be available to read online but it is so rich with wisdom and inspiration, I can't wait to experience it again.

I am so grateful for Women's Conference. I am so grateful for the atonement that makes me enough. I am so grateful for a generous Heavenly Father who, though He has taught me quite clearly before, is always willing to teach me again. I pray I can parent in His image.

I am so excited to have a new realization that I can use the atonement in my daily life in a way I never before realized. It fills up every moment of every day, as my efforts are blessed. I can sleep better at night (literally), knowing that my family never has to suffer because of my short-comings. Because they deserve all the joy and love in the world.

What a wonderful plan we have working in our favor. Sometimes I just can't help but smile when I think about it . . . hmm . . . plan of happiness. . . .I'd say so!

http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/heavenly-father-s-plan-of-salvation/god-has-a-plan-for-your-life

I'll end my ramblings tonight with the quote that I got from dear Zonnie . . .

"A good something is better than a perfect nothing."

How wise!

Let's all stop striving for that perfect nothing...it doesn't exist by us trying to create it. Only in Christ.

Let's all keep doing the good we are doing and rejoice in it. I know I'm going to try.

P.S. Does anyone know how to make the links not quite so...link-like? Can I post a link and give it a title so it could just read "Julie Beck's talk" instead of spelling it all out like that? Hmmm...still trying to figure all of this out!